There’s a great quote that applies both to my aim to write a thought-provoking article and the broader context in which it was commissioned: “10% of conflict is due to difference in opinion; 90% is due to the wrong tone of voice.”

This is crucial, because it seems to me a huge disconnect exists between how we, as vets, view our clients’ needs and how our clients view our approach to meeting them. So many times, in the consult room and on social media, the words we use and the way we use them demonstrate frustration, disdain and intolerance of our paying customers’ needs.

Whether you mean to or not, by questioning why Mrs Smith bought her pug from a breeder and why Mr Brown Googled his cat’s symptoms before bringing her in, you will inevitably appear defensive. Eroding the valuable trust that should exist between experienced professional and client.

I propose a “coalition of change” is needed in the UK veterinary profession as we must make a seismic shift in the way we think of, and speak to, our clients.

The tone of voice we use, the words we deploy, the way so many vets I meet feel that pet and horse owners are “stupid” – all this needs to change. Here’s how…

Embrace

Our profession has historically operated in an environment of “them and us” – our esteemed opinion versus customers’ blind faith, or our scientific knowledge contrasted with breeders who don’t know what they’re doing.

I’m taking a necessarily black-and-white stance here, but I see so many examples of this exaggerated thinking sometimes I’m not sure there is much grey in between. I follow a lot of vets on social media and take part in plenty of online forums. It saddens me to see how often clients are described in disparaging language and how frequently campaigns are begun with a deliberately confrontational tone.

“Ban the brachys” is guaranteed to raise the hackles of owners and breeders, whereas “Breed so they can breathe” immediately feels more understanding, more reciprocal.

A documentary presented by Catherine Tate, Saving the British Bulldog, aired on BBC2 addressed this topic head on, talking to all stakeholders and finding each argument fundamentally has a love of dogs at its heart. She concluded there are lots of issues and no universal right or wrong, but there is common ground.

By embracing all sides of the argument, a solution can be found – in this case widening the breeding gene pool to lengthen the muzzle and reduce the dogs’ weight.

By shouting at each other, neither side can reach agreement.

“By applying ‘water logic’, we can make more fluid choices, adapting and accommodating the views of clients”

Pet and horse owners, smallholders and farmers; all have a choice when it comes to engaging veterinary services. They will choose to give their hard-earned pennies to a practice that embraces their needs, talks to them as equals and involves them in a partnership of care that’s clearly and honestly priced, consistently delivered and built on a mutual respect.

They won’t stay with a vet who belittles them for owning a French bulldog, however much your opinion is based on concern for the animal’s welfare; 90% of conflict is due to the wrong tone of voice remember, so start from the common ground – you both want the animal to have the happiest and healthiest life.

Embrace differences of opinion, embrace your old “enemies” and embrace the wider community beyond those with vested interests.

Real change begins when we bring others along with us – the Dagenham women’s equal pay strikes were led by a male union representative and supported by both genders and the Hull triple trawler tragedies inspired “Big Lil” and the Headscarf Revolutionaries to fight a UK-wide safety campaign that saved thousands of lives.

When we accept and understand where our clients are coming from, we can align our approach accordingly. As Edward de Bono concludes in his seminal work I Am Right, You Are Wrong, we make better decisions when we consider all points of view.

Everyday decision-making tends to be confrontational – opposite viewpoints are set against each other, and there can only be a winner and a loser (he calls this “rock logic” – rigid and immoveable, and ultimately destructive and exhausting.) By applying “water logic”, we can make more fluid choices, adapting and accommodating the views of clients.

Engage

Perhaps one of the most common criticisms levelled at our profession is of “ripping off” owners. We all know you don’t become a vet to get rich, but the perception persists that vets are in it for the money. It doesn’t help that humans don’t pay for our own health care; so most people have no idea what it costs to take and interpret an x-ray or remove a tumour.

However, vets don’t always help themselves – accurate written estimates are not always given in advance, invoices fail to itemise all the elements involved and, because many of you find discussing money intensely awkward, the bill is often the first time the owner knows how much treatment will cost. Money he or she may not have.

Then when he or she sees the same medicines and diets their dog has been prescribed available online for less than half the price, of course they are going to feel you’re overcharging them.

It really is time to change the way we charge for medicines and food – best practice is to add only minimal margins to cover handling, storage, and so on, and make these clear to the client.

Then charge accurately and openly for your time and consumables, so medicines and food make up no more than 20% of the average bill, and your expert opinion and care accounts for the other 80% (after all, this is something Google can’t deliver).

Vaccination boosters are another area of contention. Anyone who spends any time on social media forums frequented by pet owners and breeders (deep breaths) will know of a growing groundswell of opinion questioning the need for an annual booster. If a client asks whether their dog needs yearly vaccination, understand they are is only asking because he or she wants what’s best for their pet. As do you.

You may have a strong belief they are in his or her pet’s best interest, or you may recommend a titre to determine existing immunity levels and tailor your care accordingly.

I’m not saying either is right, but how you handle the conversation is key. Use “water logic” – acknowledge his or her concern and discuss options candidly. He or she will trust and respect you all the more for it; and then tell all their friends too.

Educate

At some point, you’re going to have to accept clients will always Google before they call you. It isn’t wrong to want to understand what may be causing their beloved horse discomfort; it is perfectly understandable that a dairy farmer will ask fellow farmers for advice via online forums.

You almost certainly do it yourself in every other area of your life – checking Trip Advisor before booking dinner, looking for video tutorials on “how to change a tap washer” on YouTube.

Yet, so many vets get prickly when clients look online for advice and information – it’s so unnecessary. At the end of the day, if Google says the symptoms could indicate a tumour, the owner will be straight on the phone to book an appointment with you.

Focus on the areas you can add real and unique value – worming products may well be available to purchase online, but many owners hate giving them, so advertise your nurse clinics. Regular check ups will identify any potential problems early on, so why not ask them to join your pet health plan and get two free comprehensive checks each year?

Even the NHS advises us to visit our pharmacist for advice before turning up at the GP, to call 111 before going to A&E and check NHS Choices online.

Accepting the inevitability, and positive aspects, of Googling is the first step to educating clients that it is one part of the customer journey. A journey that still leads to your consult room.

So, back to where we began – tone of voice. As proof that pitching your argument right is key to whether you win it, let’s consider the global Hairdressers against AIDS initiative. Born in South Africa, and officially launched in New York in 2010, the initiative up-skilled hairdressers to become a network of educators.

Predominantly white, middle-class health professionals had failed to get their message heard in black communities, as communication was perceived as patronising and disconnected.

By changing tone of voice and delivery route, the message began to get through, so much so that the initiative operates successfully in more than 30 countries worldwide. Just as in our own profession, peer-to-peer education is critical and highly effective.

Shift your perceptions

Clients aren’t demanding; they simply expect to be treated fairly and consistently – their expectations haven’t changed significantly, we’ve failed to change at all.

Once we accept our place in the new order of Google searches and online forums – and adapt our conversations to come across in a less patronising way and forming more of a partnership with our clients – great customer service will naturally follow.

Embrace, engage, educate.